It's officially 2pm snack attack time when...

You are distracted by an article you think is entitled "Favorite All-Natural Vegan Doughnuts"

...only to realize it is actually "Favorite All-Natural Vegan Deodorants"

I guess that's cool, too.

"I put you down for the vegan meal. Let me know if that's OK."

The deadline to RSVP to a wedding of a friend of a friend recently passed. She and I are not super close, but we casually keep in touch.

It was kind of a late-notice invitation, so instead of immediately saying YESYESYES (which is my natural response... because weddings are the best), I had to think about it for a minute.

It was pretty easy to refute all the cons (Must buy present? -- that is why I have an "other" budget. Flying solo? -- since when has not having a date stopped you from doing anything. Do I really need to be there? -- if you're important enough to invite, you're important enough to be there.)

But the easiest hesitation to dismiss: Will there be anything to eat? And, you know, I was a little mad at myself for a moment for even going there.

This is a lifestyle that's totally compatible with any and all special moments (provided the special moment isn't, I don't know, a pig roast. But maybe you could even make that work). 

It is not a lifestyle of restriction and denial, it is a lifestyle of mindful abundance.

Anyway, so put me down for one more in 2014. Next weekend, to be exact. So, that makes three this year.

Who's next? Do I hear a fourth?

After making a mental note to eat before leaving and to pack a couple snacks, and before popping the card in the mail, I text to let her know I'm coming RSVP (Emily Post would not approve, but pragmatism wins when you're 2 weeks out from the event).

"I put you down for the vegan meal. Let me know if that's OK."

What the kale??? How great is this gal? How great are weddings?

Vegan redux

About four years ago, I decided to stop eating meat. I won't pretend I haven't eaten a scrap of meat since April 2010 or so, especially during that first year or two. My first Thanksgiving with my family was tough. My first St. Paddy's with my family was tough (corned beef and cabbage. seriously.)

I think that's OK. It's important to revisit and reassess essential beliefs, making sure they still fit in the big picture. Each time I did eat meat, it was clear that meat still didn't fit in my big picture. I now haven't eaten meat (knowingly, ugh) in about a year.

...

For all the reasons I stopped eating meat, I thought I'd try to eat vegan. I wrote a little bit about it. It started as a 60 day challenge, and think it lasted a little longer. Like... maybe 70 days? Guys, not eating cheese is hard, and I am weak. 

Regardless, I became more and more lax. But there's always the tiny little voice...

"This doesn't fit in my big picture." 

"But cheese."

My job is also a lot of lunches and events where the takeaway needs to be my cause -- which has nothing to do with animals or the environment. Even when I'm eating eggs and dairy, my eating habits easily become a distraction from the subject at hand -- a distraction I've learned to manage, but a distraction nonetheless. Awkward conversations at work are part of the package. I get it. I've had those awkward conversations with coworkers, and they've been productive. For me, however, conversations with the external stakeholders (funders, specifically) are far more challenging. Those conversations are different. I have gotten really skilled at managing this and redirecting the awkward, and I am kind of proud of myself for it (pat on the back, self.) Still, it's a glimpse into my personal life I am not comfortable allowing.

...

Fast forward another few years of tiny voice stubbornly hanging on while big cheese voice does the same. This super lovely person started work at my organization, and she is vegan. We talk about cute animals and the pig sanctuary and favorite delicious vegan and vegan-friendly restaurants. She's long since moved on to another department, but I've thought of her poignant and completely nonjudgmental insight frequently.

"This doesn't fit in my big picture."

So, once again, for all the reasons I stopped eating meat, and on as much of a whim, I'm going to try this vegan thing again. Since last Thursday (one misstep... Kraft Mac and Cheese aka orange crack. It wasn't worth it, and I repent.) Maybe I need a new self-improvement challenge? I won't pretend I'm going to be perfect... but I'm going to try.

The Cheesiest

I must begin this post, as I have begun several, in lauding the genius of The PPK. Isa Chandra Moskowitz is absolutely brilliant when it comes to vegan comfort food. 

One of the comfort foods I miss most is dip. I'm only a little embarrassed by the degree of happiness Velveeta and Rotel queso and all the sour cream possibilities give me. I've long argued that the perfect meal consists of dip. Just dip. When no one is looking, The only thing I dip is a spoon.

I made this cashew queso a few weeks ago, and though it makes about a quart, between the man and I (let's be honest, mostly me) it was gone in just a few days. So good. I decided to make some adjustments for a cheese with more cheesy bite and less queso spice. Then I tasted it when it was about done and wanted to eat it with a spoon without any judgment. So this happened:

Broccoli Potato Cheese Soup
1 c cashews, soaked in water for at least 2 hours or overnight
2 c vegetable broth
2 Tbsp white miso (see recipe note)
2 tsp cornstarch
1 tablespoons olive oil
1 small yellow onion, diced
1 c sauerkraut
3 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp nutritional yeast (optional)
2 tsp salt

2 c almond milk

2 c vegetable broth

1 c broccoli, chopped as small as you want

1 c potato, chopped as small as you want

2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice

salt and pepper to taste

Drain cashews and blend with 2 c veggie broth, miso, and cornstarch. Blend for about 5 minutes, until the cashews are as fine as possible.

Cook the onion, sauerkraut, and garlic until soft, but don't overcook it. Blend with the cashew mixture until the consistency is smooth. Add the mixture to a large pot with the potato, broccoli, salt, almond milk, and remaining vegetable broth. Cook for about 20 minutes, or until the broccoli and potato are soft. Add the lemon juice toward the end. Season to taste.

This was pretty much the most wonderful cure for my cheese cravings that I've had as a semi-vegan. I'm pretty confident when I say I'd choose it over The Blue Box. Coming from me, that's really saying something.

A vegan who sins

Well, new job means no time, as evidenced by the two-month hiatus. Two months isn't that long.

Day 17 and on: Success. Mostly.

I had a conversation at happy hour a few weeks ago about how flexible you can be with a very strictly defined diet like veganism, and how realistic those strict definitions are. Maybe it's just because I'm more conscious of what I'm eating, but it seems that's the trend among everyone else, too. Everyone is thinking about not just animal products and processed foods, but gluten and GMOs and local and live/raw. It gets really complicated as you try to do more of the right things, and it gets darn near impossible to do all the right things. You could make a part-time job of your diet without even trying very hard. That's not real life.

So, here's the analogy we came up with. You can be a good Catholic and still miss Mass sometimes and covet things. You can be a good Muslim and have a tattoo and alcohol.  
It's not really about the sins. It's about the good things you do. It's the intent.
The person I talked this all out with eats meat on the weekends only, which is awesome. Even my die-hard omnivorous friends are celebrating Meatless Mondays. It's about being mindful.

So, I'm perfectly happy and confident being a vegan who sins. I love eating less cheese... but I like eating a little cheese once in a while.
We had a cute date night yesterday and ended up at the Sugar Bowl. What beats coffee and ice cream (and pink) after a cute date?

It's about keeping it real and having your heart in the right place. That feels good.

Day 2 and Day 1: The First 48

My meat/egg/dairy-free diet debuted yesterday for Sunday football at the boyfriend's favorite bar (just a few hours in, vegan diet inspires me to peacemaking and compromise).  My lumberjack of a man who loved bacon when I met him and secretly still does (don't we all?) has been mostly vegetarian for a year and started testing the waters of this experiment a few days before I did.

Whenever the vegan (or vegetarian, for that matter) topic comes up, there's always the "But what about..." conversation.  Is there dairy/egg in the dough of your cheeseless pizza?  Is there any non-vegan hot sauce?  Can you still eat honey? (The consensus was no one better dare take away my honey.)

There may have been milk or egg in the dough of our cheeseless pizza, but if there was, it was a long shot and unnecessary.  My beer may have been not vegan.  How does this work; do I ask for a list of ingredients for everything that might have animal somewhere along on its path to my plate?  I'd rather not.

"When it comes down to it, you're cutting out 99.9% of what you should, and the rest is kind of inevitable."

I've shied away from the word "vegetarian" for the past year or so because then you launch into the lacto-ovo-pesca-convo, which is exhausting.  I just quietly order the meatless option and call myself a "I don't really eat meat."  With vegan, it's a little harder.  I want to talk about it, but I don't want to invite contention.  I want to make a lifestyle choice and be proud of it, but I don't want to make a statement.  When I see groups leafleting the horrors of factory farms, I'm reinforced in my decision because it really is an awful industry, but I also find the whole scene a little amusing.  Like giving small plastic fetuses to kids at my Catholic high school or picketing Planned Parenthood with graphic posters.  It's either proof or propaganda; awful or amusing.

Today I ate...
Cocoa vegan overnight oats
Wrap with hummus + tomato + roasted green chile
Wee hmong cucumber (cute, crispy, sweet)
Apple
Tortilla with almond butter and agave nectar (not because I can't eat honey, because I CAN and I WILL... anyway...)
Daiya quesadilla (lots of tortillas today)

I didn't feel like mid-morning and post-lunch naps, and I didn't feel hungry.  I feel ready for bed but not exhausted,  despite having woken up at 5:10 for Ultimate Booty Body Camp.

So Good and No Good

Made vegan "brownies" yesterday night.  I use the term "brownies" loosely here, since what they ended up as would be more accurately described as "goop".  Goop that turned rock hard overnight and is still soaking in my sink, after a day of sporadic scrubbing.  I have experienced my first vegan baking epic failure, which, considering the perils of the "V" word in one's own kitchen and that I've been playing with fire for a couple months now, ain't so bad.

While my brownies soak in the sink, I overindulge in delicious vegan strawberry cupcakes.

They're based on this recipe and this recipe, which together, produced one delicious offspring.

Strawberry Redemption Cupcakes

Makes 24 regular and 12 mini cupcakes

2 1/8 c white flour
1 c unrefined sugar
1 tsp salt
2.5 tsp baking powder

2 tsp vanilla extract
1.5 c strawberry puree
1/4 c applesauce
1/2 c oil
1.5 c faux milk (I don't plan very well, so I used both soy and almond)

Mix the dry stuff.  Throw in the wet stuff and mix with a mixer.  Bake at 350 for 20 minutes, or until the tops have fallen (I can't get my cupcakes tops to convex like non-vegan ones do.  Though delicious, all of my precious cakes have ended up looking deflated, drawing skepticism from my test subjects family and friends. Working on it.)

For the top, I made a thick, simple powdered sugar glaze (about 1/2 c sugar to 1 tsp soy milk with a bit of vanilla), and hid the aforementioned awkward dimple with some strawberry for looks.

These may be my favorite yet (don't tell the carrot cakes).

Mac Daddy and Cupcake

The Lemon Fairy Godmother brought AMAZING lemon bread to work today, so I was inspired to forgo a day of my month of hot yoga (thank you, Groupon) in favor of baking and consuming a bunch of stuff.  I'll sweat it all out tomorrow.

I came home determined to make mac and cheese... from scratch: a task often attempted and never succeeded.  Bechamel, why didn't anyone tell me about you before now?  You're the answer to so many prayers.

First things first.
Pour a glass of red wine.  Add 2 OJ ice cubes.  Instant sangria.

Shred an 8 oz block of sharp cheddar cheese.  Coarsely chop 1 Anaheim pepper and 1 medium jalapeno (removing as much of the rind as you want), a little more finely for the jalapeno. Start cooking 2.5 c your favorite shaped pasta (I used some whole wheat small shells I had in the pantry).

Melt 2 tbsp butter in a saucepan.  Whisk in 2 tbsp flour until incorporated.  Cook it for a bit, until all bubbly.  Add 1 c milk (or heavy cream; nobody's looking) and about 2 tbsp hot sauce of choice. Incorporate.  Add most of the cheese, taking into account how much you've snacked on (tilting your head back and dropping handfuls into your wide-open mouth; crumbles of cheese falling onto the floor, salivary glands bursting, and face turned to an expression of bliss, forgetting where and who you are for that moment of cheese ecstasy... where was I?) and reserving some to sprinkle on top when baking.  Once that's smooth, mix the cheese sauce with the finished pasta and the peppers in a casserole (I'd say mine's about 1.5 qt).  Sprinkle remaining cheese (if any) and bread crumbs on top, and cook at 350 for 20-30 minutes.

The only thing I would have done differently is saute the peppers a bit before adding to the pasta, just enough to soften them up.

Doused in more of aforementioned hot sauce, this is stupid good.

Part two of this double feature was "Carrot Cupcake, Part 2: This Time... It's Vegan."  A little burned, but it was vegan all the way, with Tofutti and Earth Balance "cream cheese" frosting... and not so charred that I didn't eat 2.5 of them before going to bed.  I mean, 1.